From the Inside- It’s Not Goodbye

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So I´ll just have to believe
Somewhere out there you´re thinking of me...”

Hi Tuan keras kepala, apa kabar? Aku snagat merindukanmu.. Tiba-tiba aku mendengar lagu ini…Dan semakin aku mengingatmu..

I hope you will always in great condition wht ever you do…

Hufh… Oke. Aku ingin menulis semua lirik lagu itu.. Agar aku bisa sedikit melepas rasa rindu ini..

“And what if I never kiss your lips again
Or feel the touch of your sweet embrace
How would I ever go on
Without you there´s no place to belong

Well, someday love is gonna lead you back to me
But ´till it does I´ll have an empty heart
So I´ll just have to believe
Somewhere out there you´re thinking of me

Until the day I let you go
Until we say our next hello
It´s not good-bye
´Til I see you again
I´ll be right here rememberin´ when
And if time is on our side
There´ll be no tears to cry
On down the road
There is one thing I can´t deny
It´s not good-bye

You´d think I´d be strong enough to make it through
And rise above when the rain falls down
But it´s so hard to be strong
When you´ve been missin´ somebody so long

It´s just a matter of time I´m sure
But time takes time and I can´t hold on
So won´t you try as hard as you can
To put my broken heart together again

Until the day I let you go
Until we say our next hello
It´s not good-bye
´Til I see you again
I´ll be right here rememberin´ when
And if time is on our side
There´ll be no tears to cry
On down the road
There is one thing I can´t deny
It´s not good-bye”

Dear Love

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Sometimes you have to be apart from people you love, but that doesn’t make you love them any less. Sometimes you love them more.”

Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

Dear Love,

Apa kabarmu hari ini? Apakah kau sudah sampai ke tempat tujuanmu? Apakah kau sehat?

Hari ini, aku menghabiskan waktu bersama teman-temanku. Beruntungnya aku, karena salah satu temanku dari Argentina datang ke Bali sehingga aku punya teman untuk mengobrol dan menghabiskan waktu… melupakan sejenak masalahku.

Hufh… aku hanya belum puas melihatmu. Aku belum puas melepas rasa rindu ini. 4 bulan aku tidak melihatmu dan aku harus membayarnya dalam waktu sekitar 4 jam dalam 2 hari untuk melihatmu. Sangat singkat tapi aku juga tidak tahu harus bagaimana menahan waktu agar aku bisa melihatmu lebih lama…

Apakah kau tahu, hal yang aku inginkan (atau mungkin butuhkan) adalah melihatmu. Itu saja. Duduk bersamamu selama mungkin. Melihatmu bekerja, melihatmu sibuk, melihatmu makan… Apapun yang kau kerjakan. Selain melihatmu merokok tentunya :-). Namun, kenyataannya berbeda. Dan yang paling berbekas adalah kata-kata yang kau ucapkan.. Kata-kata yang benar adanya tapi sulit aku terima…

Entahlah.. Maybe because everything has changed to be 180 degree? Aku tidak menyangka kau akan mengatakan itu.. Aku tidak menyangka, bahwa obrolan yang kita lakukan akan membuang-buang waktumu.. Aku tidak menyangka bahwa selama ini, akulah yang salah karena telah percaya bahwa kaulah orang itu. Kaulah laki-laki terakhir yang akan ada di hidupku… Aku terlalu percaya sampai-sampai aku tidak perduli berapa kali kau tegaskan bahwa ” I do not love you” !

Fool me.. Fool me because I follow my heart and never want to listen my brain! Even until now, aku masih mendengarkan hatiku.. bukankah itu bodoh? Aku tidak tahu berapa kali lagi aku ingin mendengar kau mengatakan bahwa kau tidak mencintaiku.

Mungkin aku masih belum terima, karena aku masih hidup di masa lalu. Aku masih membaca chat kita dimana kau masih peduli.. No matter how busy you are, kau pasti sempatkan waktu membalas chatku.. Kau sempatkan waktu untuk meminum obat disaat kau sakit. Kau sempatkan waktu untuk mengatakan “good night  and sweet dreams”. Aku masih hidup pada saat itu.. Dan ku tidak mau beranjak dari sana.

Kau bilang pada saat itu “there is never a sure thing in life, you know that.. In life nothing is certain. You care about me but lets see how long”… Dan aku berkata bahwa aku akan selalu peduli padamu. selalu.. Tapi sekarang, aku bisa melihat. You proved your statement.

Aku tidak mau bicara banyak pada waktu kau di sini. Aku hanya ingin mendengarmu bicara. Aku kawatir apabila aku berbicara, air mataku akan jatuh. Aku diam juga karena aku ingin menguatkan diriku. Bahkan pada saat kau berkata “If you want to say something to me, say it now”.. Aku tidak bisa berkata apa-apa. Karena aku tahu jawabannya akan sama dan bahkan akan menyakitimu… Aku ingin sekali mengatakan bahwa aku mencintaimu secara langsung sehingga kau bisa mendengarnya. Tapi tidak… Aku memilih tidak mengatakannya. Sebaiknya diam.

Love, maafkan aku  karena hingga saat ini, aku masih mencintaimu. Aku tidak tahu sampai kapan. Hanya waktu yang bisa menjawabnya.. Meskipun kau mengatakannya berkali kali bahwa kau tidak mencintaiku, aku tetap percaya dan merasakan bahwa kau mencintaiku.  Maafkan aku..

“People Come & Go. Memories Don’t!”

The day before he fly to California

The day before he fly to California

“Why can’t we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that would not work. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say goodbye” ~Charles M. Schulz~

And eventually, the person who was always cheers me up, supported me, mentored me, taught me, and being patient to me  back to home! Yes, he is my director, supervisor, teacher, and “brother”!

He was always support me. He might the only one person who could understand me and has skill to make me calm. He was very patient to handle me who is very sensitive and cried often because of I was confuse with my job and did not know what to do. He was always try to give his time to attend the events where I will be the speaker, to support me of course! He told me his stories that could make me back to positive..

He made a glass of coffee for me in my 24 years old birthday (someone asked him to do that) :)

He made a glass of coffee for me in my 24 years old birthday (someone asked him to do that) :)

I just remember when I was very nervous to be a speaker at Pecha Kucha (I did it for my job). Pecha Kucha is a presentation style in which 20 slides are shown for 20 seconds each (6 minutes and 40 seconds in total). The format, which keeps presentations concise and fast-paced, powers multiple-speaker events called PechaKucha Nights (PKNs) (source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PechaKucha).

It was my first experience to be a speaker where 99% the audiences were foreigners >_<.  Really, it was not easy to be a winner to fight with myself! But then, his words made me feel really good and confident!

There were six speakers and I was the only one from Indonesia >_<

There were six speakers and I was the only one from Indonesia >_<

“I know it is not easy Suri. I understand because I used to be a speaker there as well. Suri, you know why you could do that very well before? Because you spoke from your heart. You spoke with no stress. You can do that too now! Be positive okay! You can! Speak with your heart..” :'( kakak…

It did not stop there. On that day, he sent an email to all Staff at Annika Linden Centre, YPK and Puspadi. He asked them to come to the event to watch and support me and he will give free tickets to 10 first people who will join! :’). Really kak, I was so happy!

Our last pose in Bali. He wear our batik :D

Our last pose in Bali. He wear our batik :D

Everyday after the work time finish, he always asked me to not leaving the office too late.

“Suri, go home! Maximum until 7 pm okay!” ….

“Suri, I’ve told you before! in the first month you will be okay but after 6 months, you will quit you job if you don’t listen to me! Go home! Don’t work too late! Continue tomorrow!!” ….

Now, I miss that words.. even I never listen to him..

Someone cooked him a very nice food in his farewell day! And He like it! :D How sweet :*

Someone cooked very nice dishes for him in his farewell day! And He liked it! :D

I wonder should be happy or sad.. I miss him already but I know in another side, he is really happy to be home .. 12 years being apart from his family, of course it is a great chance to coming back to home! :’)

His last advice in Bali when we did the exit briefing,

“You make the situation in this office be more positive. It was not like that before!. You change it to be more positive.. Suri, you have to think about yourself as well. Do not only work!”

Our story at Ijen Crater, 4th April 2015

Our story at Ijen Crater, 4th April 2015 (ALC Team and friends)

Really? I never realize it. and often be negative to someone, lol  :D. Anyway, thank you very much kak! Not only me, all of us miss you already. I want to be like you, I want to do my best for my job. And leave the best memory for others at the end!

Well kak, “People come and go, but memories don’t!” And you will always be our special kakak! Thank you very much for inviting me to someone’s birthday dinner last year in Sanur.. (well, almost one year :’))

Thank you for being my great teacher and brother! See you in the future! :-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being Older is Definitely, but Being Mature is a Choice

25!! Wow, I can’t believe I am 25 now because it feels like being 22! hehe 😀

It has been so long I don’t spend time to write here. Now, I wanna share about the precious moment which only happen once in a life time.

TWENTY FIVE, well, some people will think 25 is still young. Yes, I agree I am still young and 25 is just a number. hmmm.. no no, it is not just a number. 25 means I have to be better, wiser, DON’T be childish anymore, more positive, and .. many else. I can’t mentioned all of the list here -___-“.

This is the great birthday ever that I ever had! not because the party (I never had a birthday party in my life) but on this birthday, I got so many love and blessing! It started in the early morning, there was a massive rain in Bali completely with the thunder that succeed make me awakened. It was 2:10 am and I could not sleep for a few minutes. Then I started to surf on all social media. I didn’t know why the first thing that I wanna open is the Gmail. And *taraaaaaaaaaa* I got a surprise message! Well, for me it was a surprise :-):-):-). He said Happy Birthday to me! God, I am very happy. even until now! :-). Maybe for other people it is not special, but for me it is special ( I meant it!). Yes, because he gave me his time to say happy birthday and a prayer and he was the first who said it. It is very special and I am thankful.

And at 2.12 am, I got a message from My Daddy, he said “Happy Birthday, hope you will always be success in life. Love Mom & Dad”.. O My God! It was 2.12 am and My Dad text me to say that? It never happened before! I was very happy! :-). (FYI, My parents and family are not in Bali. They live in Lombok Island).

In the morning, the messages came one by one on FB, SMS, Path, BBM, Line, and phone. I got so many messages said “Happy Birthday” and also prayers. That is why I always love Birthday, because I can feel like a “Queen” hehe,  so many love :-).

It did not stop there, in the afternoon, I got a surprise from my office mates at Annika Linden Centre. Aaaaaa, How sweet they are! :)

Siska gave me this beautiful cake ! Oreo Cheese Cake <3<3

Siska gave me this beautiful cake ! Oreo Cheese Cake <3<3

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Siska (left side) is my best friend. We work at the same place

God, I never thought before, she gave me the cake that I want! I kept told her before that I want the Oreo Cheesecake for my birthday. And she gave me! How nice and sweet she is . Because I know, it is hard to find it in Bali. But She gave me it! :’). Oooh Siskaa !! xoxo

Me with Annika Linden Centre Team

Me with Annika Linden Centre Team ^^

I am so lucky to have them as my team. It is not easy to find an office that feels like home. But I can find it here, at Annika Linden! :-). Again, I feel the blessing here.

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Annika Linden with Me. Thank you for being my Inspiration Annika! 😀 Lets take picture!

This is Annika Linden, an amazing girl who makes the Annika Linden Centre exist and help more than a thousand people in the world! Her love story is one of my favorite True Love Story.

Even Google said "Happy Birthday Suri" Well, #Important! :D

Even Google said “Happy Birthday Suri” Well, #Important! :D

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One of my fave birthday messages from my “son”. My junior at Law Faculty ^^

The happiness kept continue until 12th March, One of my office mate, Juliet , gave me a surprise dinner and Durian Fruit ! O My :’) How sweet! Again, I can feel the blessing… I can feel the affection here. Affection, time, and caring. I am very lucky to get all of it from all people around me.

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Dinner surprise from Juliet with Annika Linden Centre Team!

Make a wish for the 2nd time :-)

Make a wish for the 2nd time :-)

Gifts from Kak Rosyid (the Monkey Doll) and  a Wallet from Kak Meda <3. Thank youuu

Gifts from Kak Rosyid (the Monkey Doll) and a Wallet from Kak Meda

Well, the surprise still continued until Saturday! :D.

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Well, the 3rd surprise from the brekeles. From my best friends! Make a wish for the 3rd time

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Birthday Dinner with the brekeles 😀 xoxo

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“don’t need to be more feminine!..” hehe :-). Thank you dear xoxo

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This is not a proposal! Only a small gift from one of my best friends! she made it very sweet lol :D

Strawberyy Hello Kitty Pillow. How cute dear! xoxo :*

Strawberyy Hello Kitty Pillow. How cute dear! xoxo :*

She knows I need more bag. hehe :-). Thank you my dear hanifa ^^

She knows I need more bag. hehe :-). Thank you my dear hanifa ^^

The best birthday that I ever had! Not because the party, not because the branded and expensive things, but because of so many love and blessing that I got on the age of 25! :-)

A great family, a great job, a great office mate, a great best friends, a good healthy, a lot of wishes and prayers from people, and a great someone who I love :-).

Thank you for this blessing and I realize that I have so many love and no reason to cry or complaint! (I wish I always remember this and stop complaining) :-):-).

Being Older is Definitely, but Being Mature is a Choice” – So, grow up Suri! I don’t wanna hear he says “Why are you so childish!?” anymore! :-/ . Grow up, be wiser, be better, and spread so many love around! Fighting 25!

Happy New Year! and Thank you for the memories :)

Hi ….

I just looked around, many people really excited for the new year. .

Fireworks everywhere… And I am here with my family,,, so thankful :-)

Suddenly, I’m thinking about you (again)

I wanna chat you, but I worry it will bother you or make you disappointed when you see your mobile, coz you are waiting text from someone else… from a girl who can make you smile :-) ..

I just worry, so I think.. it is better not..

What are you doing there? already have plan for tonight?

Tonight, try to relax please,, don’t work too much! :-/

I hope there is someone with you tonight who will talk with you or just for drinking coffee together :-), at least you will not be alone when you count second by second toward 12.01 am..

It’s already one year, exactly today, I tried to look again the old conversation..

I also remember where you were last year 😀 (unimportant thing, yeah I’m a specialist to remember unimportant things  -__-“).

Still you remember this? I’m 99% sure you will not remember it, or maybe yo have deleted it? 😀

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1st January 2014

Even already one year, it still can make me smile :-)..

You know …. in that time I wished 2015, somehow, I can be with you..

But again, “Life is not always like expected!”…

Hufh… time flew too fast. The fastest year ever for me!

This year, I could feel everything because of you..

Cried a lot, smile often, laughing, miss , nervous, and I could feel like “being loved”.. just a feeling.. But I’m thankful I used to feel it :-).

In this year, I learned many new things.. Because of you..

I accepted my first hug… because of you.. the only hug that allowed from a man (-__-!)

And.. this year, I understood that “loving someone” is not easy.. :-)

Thank you for the memories, either the saddest or the happiest..

2014 has been a great year for me! And you are exist in every page of it.

Happy New Year 2015!! 

Success, Healthy, and Always be blessed in everything! :-)

December! I’m thankful! :-)

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October… November… December!!

counting day by day… and Finally!! It is December!

I was really excited and was always see the dates on calendar. But then, “Life is not always as expected!” like he said to me..

Still, I am Thankful! at least I will see him very soon..

I was really happy when I heard he will be here on Christmas.. I was hope I can through the Christmas with him.. it will be a very special Christmas ever ! But again, God has another plan.. I was upset for a moment but then I realize that “Life is not always as expected!” like he said to me…

Still, I’m Thankful! at least he was not alone on that day. The day when someone should be with people that they love, the day when someone should not go to work.

Day after day,, finally the day was coming! finally I could hear his voice.. I could see his face.. directly!

I’m not sure if he knows that, but everytime when we meet, I got so nervous.. I couldn’t speak.. I tried to control my self and to stay focused!

I talked with my self “Come on Focus Focus! Don’t waste his time!” so silly! (-__-!)

Day after day, well, didn’t realize, time flew too fast.

But still,

I am Thankful! because I could see the smile :-)

I am Thankful! for the time that we spent together..

I am Thankful! because I could talk with him and I could learn some things new..

I am Thankful! because I am falling in love with someone like him! Someone who makes me be useful for others and makes me learn many things new :-).

And last but not least, I’m Thankful for the closing of this year, I could see him, here..