Life: What are we living for?

It was still raining. I still can see the water dripping at the corner of the porch. The sky was grey. I finally went in to my room, sat at my desk. I thought of what I should do. I was alone. I was trying so hard to remember what did my parent have taught me about life.

Me: I can pretend that I am not lonely, but I will be constantly fooling myself. I can pretend that I don’t matter, but I will be sitting here lie to myself.

Winter: What are you talking about? Why would you pretend to be someone you are not? Stop thinking about what people think of you. Do whatever you feel good to do. It is okay to be cold sometimes.

Me: I want someone there to hold. I just want somebody. All I want to be is warm when it is cold. I don’t want to be left scared and lonely.

Autumn: What did your parent say to you about this?

Me: Nothing.

Spring: Everybody wants something. They probably want the same things. It is normal to feel that way. Everybody feels the same. They are also afraid to be left scared and lonely. It’s okay.

Autumn: What is it? What do they need?

Me: Love?

Summer: Yup. You have got it. You have that. People mostly have that. But not many of them share it to other. They naturally keep it for themselves. Some of them do not realize that they have it. They hardly understand it.

Me: I don’t understand what you are saying. Love is relative, we all know that. We probably have different definition about what it is.

Silence. They say nothing. I probably being too complicated to them. The rain stops.

Congress of the 4 Seasons

I was alone, sitting at the porch. It was raining.

Me: Oh, Winter. I have never met you. But I can feel the cold. Tell Me. Tell me about him.

Me: Oh, Summer. Who has never end in the south-east. I cannot live without your warmest guidance and I will miss you for the rest of my life.

Me: Oh, Spring. I don’t know who you are. And I don’t know if you want me.

Me: Oh, Autumn. You are a stranger to me. I feel tired but I cannot sleep. Is it an excitement or a sadness? I feel like I don’t know him at all.

I was wondering if they will answer my wisdom. I was talking with no sound.

Winter: Cool down your thought. It is not always bad for being cold sometimes.

Autumn: You feel bad because you cannot sleep last night, that is all.

Me: Hey Autumn, how do you know that? I hardly know you.

Spring: It’s only walls that limits your sights. But your heart will always know.

Me: Really? Do you think so?

Summer: When you love someone, give them the warmest happiness hug. Never burn them with jealousy and suspicion.

Me: We were born alone, and we will die alone. Why am I so afraid to live alone? I do afraid of that. I confess.

Summer: Life is like a raw of movements. We move. Sometimes we stand still. But only sometimes. We mostly move a lot.

Winter: It is not always bad for being heartless. World is too crowded. You may ignore some of the event and focus on your goal. Maybe that is the best way to deal with it.

Autumn say nothing this time. She was just stare at me. I can see her. Her eyes was green.

Spring: We will never win the world. Let go of what you think you need to let go.

Me: Oh, Spring. You are so beautiful. Everyone loves you. You can choose whoever you want. But, I don’t feel that way. I don’t know how he feels to me.

Spring: Just believe that he feels the same. It is not a fool thing. It is your loyalty. Act only what you say. Hide nothing. His loyalty is as good as yours. Unless you change, nothing will be changed. Do just what you have to do.

Autumn: How come you don’t like your hair? (She asks for distraction.)

I don’t answer her question. I stared at the dropping rain. The water flows to the grass and disappear. It was a Saturday morning and I was awaiting for the sun to come up. I don’t know what season was it.